College Tips By Google: You’ll Fail Without These 16 Google Products

College Tips By Google: You’ll Fail Without These 16 Google Products: College Tips By Google

Without Google, no one ever graduated college. At least that’s the message of “College Tips By Google“. It’s a new site where Google shamelessly suggests its products as the answer to all the problems facing today’s students.


Follow these tips, and you’ll become a healthy, productive cog in Google’s advertising machine.


Yes, you could follow the official tips and collaborate on a resume through Docs or practice a presentation on Hangouts. But let’s face it. The people who built these products probably didn’t have a typical college experience.


Here’s a list of the 16 products Google suggests and how I think they’re actually used by college students:



  • Google Maps – Drunkenly find your way back to/from the frat house

  • Google Docs – Get your classmates to do all the work for you, edit your name in at the end

  • Google Hangouts – Have video chat sex with your girlfriend who’s studying abroad

  • Gmail – Sign up for 46 clubs, read newsletters, never attend meetings

  • Google Places – Find the nearest place to buy red cups and ping pong balls

  • Google Calendar – Ignore your alerts until you have 3 hours to write that 20 page paper

  • Google Chrome – Roommate away for the weekend? New Incognito Window

  • Google Scholar – Cite books you never read, or don’t, plagiarizing is easier

  • Google Sites – Set up a protest site to stick it to the fascist school administration for banning kegs from the library

  • Google Tasks – Feel guilty about all the reading you never do

  • Google Advisor – Find the best 3rd credit card so you don’t run out of beer money

  • Google Groups - Contribute nothing to the study group but read everyone else’s summaries

  • Google Goggles – Scan your art history exam and get those obscure artist names

  • Google Product Search – Buy your text books a week before finals

  • Google Flight Search – Springbreak!!!

  • Google+ – (no use)





Comments